While I was in the hospital for one night I had the pleasure of having not one, but two, great roommates. You might ask where the camping fits in and I will tell you that both
bears and
tents had to do with this little misadventure, so a camping only seemed appropriate.
The first roommate was a 30 something mom who had just had back surgery that day and with support from her ridiculous husband, kept asking the nurses to page her doctor AGAIN that they had been waiting for for over 4 hours. But they didn't complain once...they complained at
every chance they could to any hospital staff about getting the doctor up there so that she could be released.
Since I'm sure that doctors don't have "scheduled surgeries" or "clinic appointments" at some point during the day, her urgency to get released high on pain killers and just out of surgery seemed REALLY reasonable.
So while I understand the urge for her to get back to your children, when you say that your leg is having pretty severe spasms (and it hadn't hurt or had issues before before surgery) and you haven't even had your catheter taken out...what's the rush?
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| Holy crap! My leg just spasmed and I love my heels! |
I mean, maybe I'm just Captain Obvious but it's time to back the train up and wonder if maybe it makes more sense to see how you're feeling and if your leg is doing better in the morning instead of needing an emergency trip back in two days because you didn't take good care of yourself the first time? But what do I know?
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| All of the luxuries of home...besides sleep, clothes and quiet. |
So leg spasm mommy ended up leaving at about 10:00 PM and when they were prepping the room my nurse said that I'll be getting a roommate but it "sounds like it should be a good one".
What a freaking jerk. Pretty sure that he was being a smart@ss looking back at the situation. What a nice thing to do to someone late at night on painkillers, attempt to be sarcastic.
So at about 11:30 PM, in barges Agnus (made up name) on an ambulance gurney. Agnus was born in 1987 which makes her 24 years old. Agnus is there because two days earlier she had her tonsils and adenoids taken out, was released and sent back up to Nort' Minnesodah, and then proceeded not to take care of herself during recovery. Now, her tongue is so swollen she can hardly breath and at one point earlier that day explained that she had to hold her tongue down so that she could breath. So her local hospital up Nort' gave her steroids and she was ambulanced back down to the big city at the hospital where she had her surgery.
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| Agnus, comin' in hot! |
While this all might seem normal so far...it all got a little weird for me since the whole time that Agnus was there she couldn't SEEM TO KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT OR TALK WITH AN INSIDE VOICE. You would think that if your tongue and tonsils were swollen you wouldn't want to talk, and especially talk loud. Nope, not Agnus.
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| MY TONSILS HURT AND MY TONGUE IS SO SWOLLEN I CAN'T BREATH!!!! |
Agnus talked on the phone throughout the night..called everyone in her town to tell them about how she was in the hospital, had her boyfriend in there until 1 AM in the morning talking with him and was rude and extremely loud to the nurses and hospital staff about how her boyfriend couldn't stay in the room overnight
(because of hospital procedure if you have a two bed hospital room - yeah I know - I'm such an inconvenience). Then she FINALLY went to sleep. Thank goodness! I'll finally get some rest!
But talking loudly wasn't the only thing that Agnus excelled at. Agnus also snored like a freaking bear. Now we're not talking normal person snore...we're talking a certified sleep apnea snore. For those of you that don't know the difference, find a video of someone with sleep apnea on Youtube. Just do it.
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| MEH!! Where are my steroids!?!*&%& |
So since Agnus has sleep apnea, guess what that meant? That meant that Agnus's oxygen levels drop at various times through the night and sometimes she almost stops breathing. And guess what
that meant? It meant that all of the alarms went off on the monitoring equipment! So after about 20 alarms and three hours they finally decide that MAYBE they should put her on oxygen. But since Agnus has a swollen tongue, they can't put on a normal mask so instead they set up a very loud
oxygen tent.
Yipee for me! It's like camping, only it totally sucks and the
bear that we usually hide our food from is hibernating right next to me! Then the
tent that we usually get peaceful cricket-chirp-filled sleep is actually keeping the overweight 24 year old next to me alive, and me awake!
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| BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!!!! Agnus, Agnus, wake up....you stopped breathing AGAIN. |
Then finally at 6:00 AM her doctor came in,
awakened the bear, and let
24 year old Agnus know that her breathing issue had much less to do with the swollen tongue and lots more to do with health and weight issues and that she is at very high risk for multiple conditions and that she needed to focus on addressing her high blood pressure and sleep apnea. He said that he would give her some more mild steroids for the tongue swelling but he thought that she should be out that day, but, wanted to talk with her about the weight and blood pressure issues when he stopped back next time.
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| Yup, those numbers look like crap Agnus. |
So when her boyfriend comes in, what does she tell him when he asks "what did the doctor say?". "
The doctor said that my tongue is really swollen and that I might be here for a few more days and is giving me more steroids". What? Shut the front door! I almost laughed out loud in my hospital bed. THIS is what she's going to tell him? Alright girlfriend, you run with that story.
Now I'm not here to judge or to give medical advice (because I'm neither God or a doctor) but I will be giving the following statements that I feel are reasonable about this whole situation:
- If it's raining, put on a rain jacket (totally ripped off from my future father-in-law)
- If your bruise hurts, don't push on it
- If your leg is broken, don't walk on it
- If your tongue and tonsils are very swollen, you should restrain from talking, and especially talking loudly, if at all possible
But what do I know, right?
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