Mrs. Captain Crunch?

You know how that school yard taunt went, "well if you love it so much, why don't you marry it?".  As a kid growing up I always thought that was such a stupid saying. But today I found myself wondering if that might not be such a bad idea.  Because I'm addicted to Cap'n Crunch.

Once I have one bite, I can't stop.  It's salty.  No wait SWEET.  No it's CRUNCHY.  Mehhhh...my mouth hurts and the roof of my mouth is bleeding!  Hold up...or are those my tastebuds being put into overhaul? 

While I'm trying to figure out which it is, why not have yet ANOTHER bowl of Cap'n Crunch?

Back to original question.  I mean, if Captain Crunch were an actual navy man that led the charge on crunchy, salty, sweet goodness...is there a possibility that I could marry him?  While I thought at first this might be a spectacular idea, the more research that I did, the more that I thought marrying an imaginary cereal superhero might not be such a good idea.

What does "Crunch-a-tize me" even mean?

1. First of all, I found out his real name.  It's Horatio Magellan Crunch and his current job is "Commander of Crunch" for Quaker Oats Company.  No this is not made up and he actually has a facebook page.  While his full name demands respect, he comes across as being kind of lazy and markets himself as "Cap'n Crunch".  For me, that is just not going to cut it.  I need a man that speaks proper English and is proud of his name and heritage.
2. Horatio is definitely my senior, being born in 1963.  While my hubby is two years old than me and I have no issue with people dating older or younger...a few years is different than a few decades.
3. Chances are good that the Cap'n has a life supply of his namesake's cereal.  In turn, that means that I would eventually have so many cavities that the need for full mouth dentures would be required.  In addition to that, I would weigh a metric ton.
4. On Family Guy, they portrayed him as a cereal killer...and I just don't have time to get caught up in all of that drama or legal hassle.

So for now it looks like the Cap'n will have to wait.  But in the meantime, I've found some recipes for you that looked WAY too good not to mention:

Cap'n Crunch Recipes
Cap'n Crunch French Toast by The Hungry Housewife
Cap'n Crunch Cookies by Miss in the Kitchen
Cap'n Crunch Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Marshmallow Frosting by Confessions of a Cookbook Queen
Cap'n Crunch Chicken Tenders by Jennifer Richmond on SHEKNOWS