Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids say the dardnest things.  While this one isn't so much of a "oh that's so cute" thing, it's more along the lines of "girlfriend, you have no idea".

In Northern Minnesota over Labor Day weekend we were told of the most amazing sandy beach, recommended by our front desk clerk.  A beach where all of the summer resort employees and locals go about 20 minutes away.  Yes please!  That's the one I want!  Screw the tourist shenannigans.

While relaxing in the shallow water I noticed (hard not to) my husbands visually appalling feet.  I find they represent hard work and being outside a lot in the summer, but, I'm sure others would be more inclined to describe them differently.  As we were in shallow water on a 100% sand beach I scooped up some wet sand, put it on his feet and told him to rub his feet with it. And here comes the choir:

Dialog:
Eight year old girl (who doesn't think we can hear her 15 feet away): "Ewwwww!  That's disgusting!"

My initial reaction was "Yeah, feet are disgusting.." then I realized it.  She was freaked out by the wet sand!  While I could have explained this on the beach to her, to avoid confronting a child in a public place and her mother calling the cops, I thought my message would be better represented in a letter to her on my blog.

Letter 
From: Ann Marie 
To: Eight Year Old Girl Who Things Sand On Feet is Disgusting

Dearest grasshopper with so much more to learn,

So you think that sand on feet is disgusting, huh?  Girlfriend, you're in for a big shock about the real world.  In less than 10 years from now you'll likely be asked a question that will define your arrival into womanhood, "Would you like a deluxe pedicure or just the regular?".  You will answer "Deluxe".  Because damnit, you deserve it.

Then, not only will they slop wet sand on your feet.  They will proceed to slop warm mud on your feet and legs, vicariously shred the bottom and sides of your feet with a tool (that I'm still not entirely convinced isn't a kitchen microplane at some spa locations) and nine times out of ten, burn your feet and legs with those too damn hot towels.

So, the next time you go into that spa you'll tell yourself "I'm not going to get the deluxe pedicure.  I came in here for the $22 midweek pedicure and by god that's what I'm walking out with".  The thing is, you're wrong.  They will ask the age-old question mid way through (what you indicated was a regular pedicure in the beginning), "Would you like a deluxe pedicure or just the regular?".  They will always make you feel like a second class citizen with the infliction in their voice when they ask, to make you feel JUST crappy enough about your life outside of those walls to get the answer that they want.  Then this game will go on, year after year.  Deluxe pedicure after deluxe pedicure.

The best part  is they're not only are they throwing sand and mud on your feet and shredding your feet with kitchen utensil, they're also charging $10 extra to do it each time.

So, hopefully when your day to become a woman is upon you, you will be wise and brave enough to have the same response today on the beach of "Ewwwwwwww!!! That's disgusting!" and save yourself hundreds of dollars over the course of your adult life.

Best of luck, you'll need it.

- Ann Marie

Kitchen Microplane

Foot Microplane, can you see my confusion???